Archive for June, 2009

Sunday vampire dance party

I took the girls to Luray Caverns for the weekend. We toured the caverns then went downtown Luray, Virginia for dinner and saw a sign for a free concert in their park. Ben Prestage was the second act and we caught his performance. He plays a mean guitar while beating the drums with the footpedal and blowing into the harmonica. He’s a very talented blues performer. My 8-year-old wanted to get his CD and Prestage’s wife was selling them. We got a double live disc from a show in his home state of Florida. He’s performed at Burning Man. If he comes to your neck of the woods, check him out and support great live music.

Happy anniversary to marks its 10th anniversary.


Woman escapes vampires, but caught by deputies

I get emails:

Last night my shift had a wild vehicle pursuit. The chase went for over 25 miles, all over the western half of Washington County. The suspect car evaded at least one attempt at a spike strip by MSP, however one of my Deputies nailed the tires along I-70. The car came to a stop after that. Here’s where it gets interesting.

The driver turned out to be a crazed totally INSANE 55 year old female from Washington D.C. who stated she would not stop because she was running from VAMPIRES. Honest to god, true story. She’s presently in the hospital and will be going to jail after that.

At least she escaped the vampire. In a followup email, I learned the vampires were not captured.

To Lucy

Cheers to my old girl Lucy. I thought we were going to lose her last week, but she’s feeling better. She’s the best dog in the world and I know the day is coming soon where she will run in the fields of the Lord and wait by the gates of heaven for my arrival (I hope I don’t disappoint her), but that day is not yet.

Saturday vampire dance party

An 11-year-old arranged and played this version of Rush’s YYZ.

Posted in Cool!, Music | 1 Comment »

The printed word never looked finer

Stephen King has a new short story for the latest issue of Esquire. I really want to turn the “page” the story is written on to read the other side.

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Archaeologists discover race of skeleton people

I should email Harvard archaeologist Jason Ur, the Official* Archaeologist of The Mystery of the Haunted Vampire, about this amazing discovery reported in America’s finest news source since the closing of the Weekly World News:

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of “skeleton people”—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago.

“This is an incredible find,” said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. “Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons.”


“The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse at best,” said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago. “Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow.”


Condemn the use of white phosphorus

As founder and spokesman of the Vampire Defense League, I strongly condemn the use of white phosphorus against the living and the Undead. From the comments at The Washington Post:

“They used US taxpayer dollars to incinerate 1,400 women and children with white phosphorus weapons.”

That was a very important battle in Israel’s ongoing war with its troublesome vampire population. There are many more efficient and cheaper ways to kill 1400 humans, but for the vamps, few things are better than flaming white phosphorous. Of course the undead survivors would try and turn the PR around against the forces standing up to them.

Drag me up the ramp to hell

I really wanted to see Drag Me To Hell this past weekend. But on Friday my wife mentioned how much trouble our dog Lucy was having getting up the back steps. I took her to the vet and we got her started on medicine for her Lyme disease and two pain pill prescriptions, one for her arthritis and the other a general pain medication. The vet wants to take X-rays to see if bone cancer is involved, but the vet also said the X-rays would be academic. At Lucy’s age, she’s nearly 12, we wouldn’t want to do anything that would lessen the quality of her life when it isn’t likely to prolong her lifespan. So I spent the weekend going to the lumber store and then came home and built her a ramp. Lucy didn’t like it. So I went back to Lowes and bought outdoor carpetting to make it non-skid and added rails to the side to make it more secure. She still won’t use it although when she went up when I lead her it was much easier for her than going up the three steps.

It’s not the angle of the ramp. The ramp has a much gentler slope than the commercial dog ramps for older dogs. In any event, she has a deluxe ramp waiting for her when she does decide to use it. By the time I finished building it and then getting my yard and garden work done, I was too tired to go see the movie. I’ll have to wait until next weekend.

Posted in Film | 2 Comments »

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